I said I was going to write yesterday and I didn’t. I’ve officially missed an entire day of my “write every day no matter what” goal. I’m not too upset though, I’ve come to recognize that things happen and sometimes you mess up. It’s about how you pick yourself and keep going. Right now though, I’m trying to get into the process of picking myself back up.
I’ve realized today that I’m in a creative slump. I think it came on suddenly but I’ve lost the drive to write scripts, write blog posts, film the things that are already written etc. I have a feeling it’s because of where my life is at the moment. I’m moving next month and the anticipation to be in an apartment alone is killing me. It’s not that I’m scared to live alone, I just want to already be alone. I currently live with my sister and while it’s been nice, it’s been hard to live with her when we’re two different people. I just want to hurry up and move and to hurry up and have my summer classes start. I’m growing quite impatient and when I’m impatient, for some reason I don’t want to do the things that I love. It’s weird, no clue why, it just happens.
I find that when I’m in class, I become more creative in my non classroom activities. Probably because I spend days learning the same subject that my mind is fulfilled in the monotonous department and then the creative side yearns for it’s turn. Does that make sense? I think I’m also in this slump because I have no room in my current place to film the things I want to film nor do I have the quite space to write. My sister has dogs and sometimes they are just too much and it makes it hard to use the rest of the house to film. You can only be so creative locked in your room. With my new place, I’ll have the whole house to use to film. And the quietness to really dig deep in my writing.
Aside from physical problems that are blocking my creativity, there are mental ones. The biggest thing aside from me creating content is that I’m doubting myself as an actor. Acting is my first and foremost love, it’s something I pride myself in. It’s something that I plan on working hard at for a future in. But there are those days (as many actors get) where I feel like my work is shit. That my skills are shit. I know they’re not, but sometimes, just sometimes I think they are. As of late, I feel like what I’m putting out on my channel isn’t good enough. I’ve been constantly doubting my work, comparing myself to other YouTubers, and doubting what my future will hold. I know the simple solution to all of this. I know my work is the best that I am right now, and if I don’t like it, I need to work harder to improve my crafts. I know that comparing myself to other YouTubers does nothing because they’re not doing what I am doing. And even if they were, it doesn’t matter. We are not the same people. I know to take things one step at a time. I can’t control the future but I can control what I am doing today at this very moment. I know all of things, but sometimes it’s harder to do them.
So right now yes, I’m in a creative slump. I don’t have the energy for a lot of things at the moment but I know I will. The first step is to recognize you are in a slump and then slowly crawl out of it. That is what I’m doing, or at least trying. Every day it’s getting better, that’s all I can ask for. I’m working on changing the physical and mental and for that I should feel proud. I also need to remember that if I don’t like what I’m doing or where I am, then I need to work 10x’s harder to change it. I’m in control if I win or lose.
One thing I need to keep in mind is that, this happens when you’re an artist. It’s completely normal. What isn’t normal is letting these feelings stay, and I don’t plan on letting them. THEY AIN’T PAYING MY RENT!