I Feel Isolated Within My Own Family…

I fall for it every time. I just got off the phone with my sisters. It was a good conversation for the first half, and then they started (like they always do) bashing me. They bashed my sexuality and the fact I feel free to express it, they bashed my knowledge on what I’m getting my degree in because they think their one class makes them more of an expert than my many years of studying, they bashed me on me identifying as a abled-passing disabled women of color, only because they don’t understand ableism, labels (how labels can sometimes be harmful yet so helpful and powerful when used correctly) and how the disabled community is still considered less than in society, and how it’s really empowering for myself personally to be able to finally say out loud that I am in fact disabled (which is funny because although one of my sisters says she’s not disabled and she doesn’t want that label, which is fine because she’s allowed NOT to identify with it, for the sake of her making me feel bad (and win her argument) she used the sentence “I can say this because I’m disabled”, um what? You’re completely disregarding the fact that you are also talking to someone who is disabled.) And then they reminded me that because I can’t financially be there for my nephews and I won’t be able to visit because I’m moving in the summer to set up my life, that I don’t love my nephews (mind you they said this again in ear range of my nephews). It’s hurtful, but the fact that I’m upset about all of this, in their eyes means I’m too sensitive and I need to get over it. It’s always two against one, I’m sick of it. I wish I had the confidence to stand up for myself to them, and to be able to articulate my beliefs without stumbling over my words or being talked over. I wish I had someone on my side to help me. I hate how isolating I feel within my own family.
I kind wished I had loving, supportive sisters that occasionally gets into fights with me over stupid stuff like clothes or food. Not ones that act as if my very own existence is a burden to everyone including them.


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