Well hello there. Guess what? I moved to Los Angeles, California yesterday. It’s now 8pm PST and I’ve been in LA for little over 24 hours. That’s cool, right?
So today’s been a weird day. I woke up disorientated and then became excited once I realized I was in LA. My friend Kevin picked me up and we went apartment hunting. I wasn’t too successful but I managed to put one application in for a place. And I sent out a few emails for some apartment ads. I’m also viewing a place Sunday to potentially be these two people’s roommate. So let’s hope that works out.
But I’m writing because I wanted to say I’m overwhelmed, terrified and I can’t stop crying.
This has been the hardest transition I’ve ever had to go through. I left my family and my closest of friends behind to pursue my dreams. And I’m scared I can’t do it. I knew finding a place would be hard, along with finding a job. But it just seems like from this day I will never find anything. I know realistically that’s not true, I will find something. It’s just going to take time. But I feel hopeless, and I want to quit. It’s just right now, I feel like I can’t breath and sobbing doesn’t even help relieve the pressure.
I want to go home where I know I’ll be fine. I just want to see Gustavo, Alex and Patrick. I want to be with who I love and what is familiar. Gustavo has been a big help and trying to keep me in reality that I can’t figure everything out in one day (he just texted me this). And I know he’s right (which I hate admitting).
I hate uncertainty, I hate feeling not in control. But I hate disappointing those that I love. So I’ll keep doing this. But just so you know and I can make of note of this.
I feel like I’m in this in between of being back to being very depressed and very motivated. How the fuck do I process that? Well, I’ll let you know.
Okay LA, let’s try again tomorrow.